The Truth Will Out

Breaking Bad was five seasons of watching Walter White transform from squirrelly high school chemistry teacher and car wash employee to a wealthy drug kingpin.

Along his journey, White was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. Knowing that his time was limited, he kept telling Skyler that he was cooking meth to provide his family money they could live on after he was gone. As their marriage fell apart, he kept reiterating that point to her.

However, in the series finale he asked her if she knew why he had done all of it. All the drug production, sales and murder. She didn't want to hear him say he did it for his family again. She was weary of that excuse.

Instead, though, he said "I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really -- I was alive."

So, in the very last episode of the series, Walter White's truth came out, and it made him a totally believable human being. After failing at teaching, parenting and being a husband, his words rang hollow when explaining motivation, and the viewer eventually sensed that as his actions escalated to a point beyond just merely manufacturing an illegal substance.

His epiphanic statement in the finale brought a closure that was needed and understandable. It didn't make him look like a good guy after all; instead it did the opposite. But it made sense and that was a satisfying gift provided by the writers.

Do you have a truth in your writing?

Be careful how you answer that because it's easy to convince ourselves of things that just aren't reality. It takes an objective sense of self-awareness to come to a conclusion of truth, not just a series of emotions.

But, once you find the truth in your writing, it can open up whole worlds that were previously outside your otherwise narrow perception.

Goodbye, Eddie

Eddie Van Halen died 2 days ago, and I feel like I'm writing eulogies like this more frequently these days.

I admired Eddie, his skills and showmanship. Back in the day I think I only had one Van Halen album. This was probably due more to the fact that I picked up guitar fairly late in life and didn't have any real understanding or appreciation of what he was accomplishing with his playing.

Now, I'm suitably awed when I listen to him.

I have liked many Van Halen songs over the years though I didn't collect their albums. Among those songs are Humans Being, Panama, Everybody Wants Some (for the intro), Ain't Talkin 'Bout Love, and Jump, to name a few.

If you listen carefully to the magic that Eddie Van Halen weaves throughout each song, you should be impressed, too.

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A lot of well-known music artists have died over the last 60 years.

Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Otis Redding, Ronnie Van Zandt, Duane Allman, Freddie Mercury, George Harrison, Tom Petty, Prince, Dimebag Darrell.... the list is so much longer that it would take up the rest of this blog.

But whether they died of overdose, accident, disease, suicide or murder, each death left a unique hole in the fabric of our music culture, a hole that cannot be filled by anyone else.

And with each passing, I have taken a moment to contemplate what was, what is and what will be without them and have been thankful for the recordings which never let them die completely.

But Eddie Van Halen is different, and I think I know why.

He was close to my age and he died from cancer.

Not from some drug overdose which seems almost cliche these days though still tragic. Not from a vehicular accident where he was traveling to another show.

Cancer.

Cancer.

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I had cancer back in 2012. Fortunately, surgery took care of the problem - it hadn't spread from my prostate. And there was no need for chemo or radiation. My PSA level is still monitored yearly with a blood test.

Eddie was a heavy smoker. I used to smoke, but quit in 2006. He died of lung cancer and I have long suspected that would be my downfall as well.

So far, so good, though.

But I have known a lot of people who have died from the insidious disease and that is sobering.

Even more than that, though, was the fact that we were close in age.

Jimi Hendrix died at 27 and I was only 10. The same with Janis Joplin.

There were other people who died close to my age, but back in my 20s, my mortality wasn't quite on my mind like it is now.

I keep thinking Eddie could have lived another 20 years and still been creating new riffs and solos. But that is probably just a fantasy even though the antediluvian Mick Jagger and Keith Richards haven't quite hung up their spurs yet.

Everything has a shelf life. Everything ends eventually.

And Eddie Van Halen's is just a reminder that the end is not so far away any more.

I will close with this. Just listen to that guitar.