Thuoghts on Marriage

From the beginning, marriage is full of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin.

Starting while dating, these hormones run at high speed and are notched up with the words, "I do."

From first kiss to wedding vows to buying a home to first pregnancy, hormones and neurotransmitters make everything feel like Disneyland.

At some point, however, life changes. Drudgery sets in, routine takes over. And what seemed so marvelous from the start becomes commonplace.

This is the period where many people bemoan the 'magic being gone' and start to seriously consider that they may have chosen the wrong partner even though that person may not be abusive, cold or indifferent.

Sometimes eyes wander and sometimes feet follow. Infidelity becomes a more attractive option than changing another dirty diaper. Or the couple  may simply drift apart which can be just as traumatic as an affair.

This is where commitment needs to come in. The vows taken during the wedding ceremony should be front and foremost as a promise from one person to another, a verbal contract, so to speak. It is all too easy to break contract when things just don't feel good like they used to.

But that's the point of contracts. They stipulate a certain type of behavior to be conducted through the entirety of the contract. And the entirety of wedding vows is supposed to be for life.

Expectation is a funny thing. It can add spice to your days or terror to your time. Or it can turn quickly from breathless anticipation to sharp disappointment.

The expectation of a marriage to remain on a highly charged loving and sexual note is unrealistic. This isn't to say that those ingredients will go away, but things do change and that is something most won't really realize until they have some age under their belts.

Unfortunately, destructive decisions made during emotionally down times result in pain for everyone involved.

The dopamine addiction is real. It's why people engage in behaviors they shouldn't. The obesity trend in the population bears this out as does the number of children born out of wedlock and raging credit card debt.

But here's the thing: if a couple gets through the down times and endures then they will come out the other side stronger. As Lewis states, "If once they get through this initial dryness successfully, they become much less dependent on emotion and therefore much harder to tempt." CS Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, pg. 18

And this reduced dependency on emotion opens up a whole new world of freedom to actually choose to love the person to whom you have committed your life, your world, your entire self.

ST-uff It

I see people add an 'st' to some words and, for the life of me, have no idea why. While becomes whilst. Among becomes amongst. Amid becomes amidst and so on.

I can't explain the reason for it beyond some sort of presumption of assumed classiness.

But I find it all very pretentious and really unnecessary.

True class shows through the person without them having to take on airs of it.

That is all.